“But on the inside she’s a happy goth.”

While I can sternly swear I am not an actual goth nor dress like one,
having The Happy Goth by The Divine Comedy come up on my iPod this morning certainly gave me a smile.

“That music you play, I’m not saying it’s bad, it just seems terribly sad.
Is everything all right?”

Some days ago, being stuck in the usual Jakarta traffic on the way home, I decided to entertain myself and post on Twitter some cover versions of old songs that are heartbreakingly beautiful. Not long after, a friend actually messaged me and asked, “Are you okay? You seem a bit down. Need company? You seem kind of lonely these days”. I didn’t quite know how to answer to that properly, for I was actually really okay, and perfectly happy, even on my own.

This kind of got me thinking, am I really that much of a wallflower? Even if I am, why should I be sad with that fact? And I can’t help but to wonder, why is the general consensus that you can never be happy on your own?

I’ve always had this belief that we’re all responsible for our own happiness, so why should we depend solely on the company of others? I mean, we’re all born alone (seriously, not even twins came out of their mum at the exact same time, right?) and eventually will die alone, so why can’t we be happy alone? It seems a bit silly to me that just because we can’t be constantly in the company of others we can’t be happy.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy being with people and I seriously can’t be more thankful for the wonderful friends that I’ve got, but that doesn’t mean I’m helplessly unhappy whenever I’m stuck alone by myself. I mean, with my life the way it is and the solitary hours I spent most of the time, how depressing would it be if I can’t be happy being only with myself?

And after all, here I am, spilling my thoughts to the whole world through this blog, right? See, I don’t really bottle things up by myself 🙂 As if I had anything to bottle up anyway.

“Don’t worry Mum, don’t worry Dad.
The hours that I spend alone are the happiest I’ve ever had.”

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