“if you can’t get what you love..”

  
And so, it is finally time to throw in the towel.

When it comes to running, I have to admit I’ve never been the best competitive runner anyway. My times, honestly, have always sucked. But you know how sometimes you keep doing some things just because you enjoy it? That’s how my relationship is, or was, with running.

If anything, running kept me sane during my Singapore days. Who knew, a random shoes purchase at an annual factory sale thing became a habit that helped me overcome stress from pressure and all that. How can you not enjoy getting healthy, in the company of your preference (be it music, or likeminded friends), with the perks of a sense of achievement?

Again, I’ve always noticed that my timing always sucked. But then again, that did not stop me from going distances. I constantly find myself gasping for air by the 200 m mark, or my heart would be racing. But did that stop me from going from Bukit Timah to Holland Village (and back again) or deter me from taking on those 5Ks? Hell no. I’ve just always reckoned them as a lesson in perseverance.

But I guess, after all, the hard truth is always the one that hits in the end, and this time there is no sneaking my way around it. Sure, I can just ignore the fact that my heart would overwork itself, putting me at risk while I have my fun. But that is not the reason I started this in the first place. Logic, and in the literal sense, heart over everything.

At least I’ll still be doing light runs, albeit not in races and not in such lengths. And hey, I guess this proves that if anyone with a faulty body like mine could do it (several times over), any normal person can do it. All it takes is the will power to take the first steps πŸ˜‰

“You learn to love the things you’ve got”

 I know Passenger was not talking about a medical condition when he wrote this, but hell. I’ll own this thing and show it who’s boss.

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“it isn’t always going to be this gray”

And so, here we are at the end of yet another Ramadhan.

Jujur, di mana orang2 lain sepertinya bahagia dan gugum gumbira sepanjang Ramadhan lah, dapet berkah ini itu lah, gue ngga merasa kaya gitu sama sekali. How do I feel now? Tired. Worn out. Absolutely drained.

However, in the spirit of trying to be less of a negative person (ha.), I can sort of see that throughout this whole month I’ve been taught the biggest lessons. Leaving details aside (because I do not wish to turn this post into an ugly sobbing woe-is-me blog post), let’s put it at that. I have been put through some major crash courses this whole month.

Lessons in patience. Lessons in coping. Lessons in creativity. Lessons in perseverance. Lessons in grace under pressure. Even lessons in letting go.

Let’s just say, what other people are getting through joyous moments, I am learning it the hard way. And now, I can only hope all this is God’s way of preparing me of something big. Hopefully, in a good sense at that.

Good things come to those who hustle. And so if God wants me to step harder on the pedals, so be it.

“what happens when you lose everything? you start all over again!”

quote found somewhere on Pinterest

Been a while, and now that I’m actually posting again it’s this sombre. But hey, I need this for my therapy, so be it.

By now, I’ve learned full well that pressure is not something you avoid. In fact, I think I can honestly say I deal with it quite well, and I quite often find myself performing well under pressure.

One trouble of getting used to it though, is how do we know when we’ve had too much?
How do you know it’s not just you being a crybaby while the world is actually toughening you up?
How can you tell when something is actually preparing you for a next level instead of driving you insane?

Dealing with it, meanwhile, is a completely different universe altogether.
Do we fight? Do we take flight?
What do you do when all you want is just to let everything go but you have everyone around you saying “Don’t be crazy, you’re into something good, don’t let it get away”?

Just exactly how much do we have to put up with in pursuit of progress?