“if you can’t get what you love..”

  
And so, it is finally time to throw in the towel.

When it comes to running, I have to admit I’ve never been the best competitive runner anyway. My times, honestly, have always sucked. But you know how sometimes you keep doing some things just because you enjoy it? That’s how my relationship is, or was, with running.

If anything, running kept me sane during my Singapore days. Who knew, a random shoes purchase at an annual factory sale thing became a habit that helped me overcome stress from pressure and all that. How can you not enjoy getting healthy, in the company of your preference (be it music, or likeminded friends), with the perks of a sense of achievement?

Again, I’ve always noticed that my timing always sucked. But then again, that did not stop me from going distances. I constantly find myself gasping for air by the 200 m mark, or my heart would be racing. But did that stop me from going from Bukit Timah to Holland Village (and back again) or deter me from taking on those 5Ks? Hell no. I’ve just always reckoned them as a lesson in perseverance.

But I guess, after all, the hard truth is always the one that hits in the end, and this time there is no sneaking my way around it. Sure, I can just ignore the fact that my heart would overwork itself, putting me at risk while I have my fun. But that is not the reason I started this in the first place. Logic, and in the literal sense, heart over everything.

At least I’ll still be doing light runs, albeit not in races and not in such lengths. And hey, I guess this proves that if anyone with a faulty body like mine could do it (several times over), any normal person can do it. All it takes is the will power to take the first steps 😉

“You learn to love the things you’ve got”

 I know Passenger was not talking about a medical condition when he wrote this, but hell. I’ll own this thing and show it who’s boss.

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“To the night and the stars; to be here, and now, and who we are..”

I still find it hard to believe that 2014 is ending in a matter of hours.

At the risk of sounding like the age-old cliche, it really did seem like time just went speeding by during the hours, the weeks, the months. All sorts of things just came charging at me in full flurry of a breakneck speed, and suddenly boom, hey the year is over. That’s it, thank you very much, bye bye. What gives, Universe?

I have never been the type who does a year-end review of any sort, but really. 2014 just takes the cake right now and deserves all the special nods it can get. So yeah, here’s to you, 2014.

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“..and say goodbye to yesterday.”

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And just like that, it’s all over.

I’m still trying to register in my mind that I’ve actually finished yet another year of school. Heck, I still can’t believe I actually  managed to do some more studying. Who knew that this pea-brain could actually muster the strength to quit working and life in general to dive back into law textbooks and student life? Me, the one who originally had sworn herself off of studying back in 2009. I guess we all get that change of heart every once in a while, eh?

So I finally went and did pretty much everything one could ever think of in one short year. Moving out of my hometown to live on my own, studying in a completely different environment, a shocking change of lifestyle (I’m proud to say it is for a better one, though!), to all the random #YOLO shenanigans my old self wouldn’t have done 3 years ago. And look at me, I survived.

It’s been.. remarkable.  The friends I’ve made, the perils I’ve gone through, the challenges I had to face, the drama I had to overcome, the tiny steps that lead me to who I am now. And of course, the happy memories that came with the whole package. Nobody can ever take that away from me. As tough as it may have been, I wouldn’t have chosen to live my life this past year in any other way.

As the great wise Dan Wilson (of Semisonic of course, cos my music taste is forever stuck in the “some years ago” phase) said, every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end. And looking at how it is now, it’s time for another new beginning. Pretty sure I’ve learned a few things from living and studying in Singapore now, hopefully they’ll carry me somewhere decent 🙂 And I quote Modest Mouse this time, “And we’ll all float on, alright”. Amen to that.

 

Cheers to us all, NUS LLM class of 2014. It’s been mad awesome indeed. Time for the Indonesian hobbit to sign out now 🙂

 

 

“Most of all, now I know that I am happy to be me.”

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Was randomly browsing through old files in my external hard disk, and stumbled upon this picture.

Well, yes that is a picture of me. That is pretty clear to see. So how does this matter in any way, you ask? Well.. I still remember clearly, this picture was taken while fooling around with my friends before our Victimology class. Back in our 3rd semester. In 2005.

Which means this picture is 9 years old. And I don’t look one bit different now. You would think having graduated from school plus 3.5 years of corporate work would have changed you at least one tiny bit, but look what happened (or didn’t, more like) to me..

I guess this just means I’ve found my comfort zone quite early when it comes to looks?

“enough to fill up heaven, overflow and fill hell..”

Sometimes, it’s the little stuff that hits you right in the chest.

It’s probably just inevitable, what with the exams looming round the corner, all the stress that entails and everything.. But yeah, I’m missing my sister so bad right now.

In the old times, she would make sure that she’s there for me during my exams. I’m the kind who panics way more than I should whenever exam season is in town, so I guess she just didn’t want me to die of anxiety. What she couldn’t help with academically, she made up for it in the mental fort. All the little things that just made sure I’m okay, from staying up all night to keep me company while studying to just being there for me to moan and groan to after flunking an exam. She would be there at all times, being the big sister that she’s always been.

So yeah, I know she’s still watching over me somewhere up there but to be honest, it just kinda sucks now being out here on my own doing my exams without her around for the first time.

“I hear you still talk to me
As if you’re sitting in that dusty chair
Makes the hours easier to bear
I know despite the years alone
I’ll always listen to you sing your sweet song
And if it’s all the same to you

I love you oh so well
Like a kid loves candy and fresh snow
I love you oh so well
Enough to fill up heaven, overflow, and fill hell”

“Better stop dreaming of the quiet life, it’s the one we’ll never know.. “

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Yeah, I know, I know.. I should’ve been updating this blog with so many exciting posts on how awesome life is in Singapore, right?

Trust me, I wish I could.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t like it here. Honest to God, I do. There’s no such thing as getting bored in this place. And while I do plead guilty for not posting anything about all the stuff that went on throughout this term (Colour Run, all the fancy schmancy places, Upacara Bendera at the Embassy, having friends over from home, having parents over from here, adjusting to living on my own for the first time, being the only Indo in the whole year, heck knows what else. Too much to mention, seriously.), I honestly just couldn’t find the time to do so. Not even “hectic” can half-describe it.

Well, let’s put it this way. I’ve been having trouble finding time to even sleep, let alone post updates here. So.. *shrugs* But hey! at least now I’m here typing this post, right? This counts, no?

Yep, I’ve managed to stay alive so far. It’s been fun, for real. But for the most part, it’s been challenging. And by challenging, I mean it’s almost at the point where I’m actually wondering if I could even survive this whole thing. But seeing that I’m almost at the end of the first term, I guess it hasn’t been a total bang-up job so far. Almost halfway through! I know, right? Little ol’ me, who didn’t even think she would get through to NUS in the first place, has actually been keeping her head above water for all this time!

Hopefully, when I get into the semester break, I’ll manage some sort of recap on things. But for now, I guess this’ll have to do. Consider this my “Hi, I’m still alive” note. And now that you’re reading this post, wish me luck on my assignments and upcoming exams?

In the meantime, this hobbit shall return to her assignment and readings..

“Wish me luck, as you wave me goodbye!”

 

There’s always a first in everything.
This time, oddly, it’s the first goodbye.

So yeah, after 3 years and 5 months, I’m leaving my current workplace. My rookie gig. The biggest part of my life for the past few years. It’s finally time for a change of scene, for a fresh start, for new things.

Albeit a little early, seeing that I’m not actually signing out ’til next Tuesday, last Friday was especially touching to see that the coworkers gave me a little surprise sending off party. With a little good luck gift and a lot of well wishes, I’m pretty sure I’m ending this gig on a high note.

Dear bosses and coworkers, I really can’t thank you enough. Seriously. Thank you for putting up with me for so long, and thank you for teaching me so, so much just about everything.

Here’s praying that God blesses all of you.. as long as you people be nice to whoever takes up the empty spot I’m leaving. Haha. So long, you one big happy circus 🙂