And so, here we are at the end of yet another Ramadhan.
Jujur, di mana orang2 lain sepertinya bahagia dan gugum gumbira sepanjang Ramadhan lah, dapet berkah ini itu lah, gue ngga merasa kaya gitu sama sekali. How do I feel now? Tired. Worn out. Absolutely drained.
However, in the spirit of trying to be less of a negative person (ha.), I can sort of see that throughout this whole month I’ve been taught the biggest lessons. Leaving details aside (because I do not wish to turn this post into an ugly sobbing woe-is-me blog post), let’s put it at that. I have been put through some major crash courses this whole month.
Lessons in patience. Lessons in coping. Lessons in creativity. Lessons in perseverance. Lessons in grace under pressure. Even lessons in letting go.
Let’s just say, what other people are getting through joyous moments, I am learning it the hard way. And now, I can only hope all this is God’s way of preparing me of something big. Hopefully, in a good sense at that.
Good things come to those who hustle. And so if God wants me to step harder on the pedals, so be it.
“We all spend so much time not saying what we want, because we know we can’t have it. And because it sounds ungracious, or ungrateful, or disloyal, or childish, or banal. Or because we’re so desperate to pretend that things are OK, really, that confessing to ourselves they’re not looks like a bad move. Go on, say what you want. … Whatever it is, say it to yourself. The truth will set you free. Either that or it’ll get you a punch in the nose. Surviving in whatever life you’re living means lying, and lying corrodes the soul, so take a break from the lies for just one minute.”
A Long Way Down (Nick Hornby)
“You’ve gotta tie yourself to the mast, my friend And the storm will end”
(line taken from The Verve – One Day)
I know generally I should be doing better than anyone with a job right now, but the truth is that we are all just fighting our own different battles. This one is just 111 days away from the finish line. P.S: shock, surprise. I’m still alive. This blog is actually till here.
It’s been a rough week. No kidding.
And it just so happened that I managed to start this week by getting my plane tickets for the term break. Look, I know Jakarta is only like 7 steps and a skip from here but when you need to be back home, you need to get back home.
Let’s just hope nothing majorly bad happens in the meantime, and soon enough I’ll be back snuggling in my den. ‘Til then, happy thoughts, Wi. Nothing but happy thoughts!
p.s: and how adorable is this version of Koes Plus’ Kembali Ke Jakarta by Reza Saleh?
I guess you did quite a good job getting through 25. You finally went out on a limb for once, you grew a proverbial spine, in short, you really grew up. And it’s good that you actually enjoyed yourself doing it. Guess the ol’ quarter-life crisis scare didn’t really get that bad on you, huh? Yay!
I know the coming days are gonna be different. The ride’s gonna get exciting, scary, challenging and whatnot. Changes are gonna be happening, big ones and small. But I guess that’s what you need now, right? You’ve paved your way in Round 25, now you get to walk it down.
I wish I can tell you what to do, what to expect, how to act, but I honestly can’t. I guess anything that floats your tiny wobbly boat, as long as it makes you happy, so be it. Just remember, you are responsible for your own happiness. Take baby steps, that’s fine. Just don’t forget to actually take steps that lead you somewhere. You’re done with going round and round in circles.
Good luck, self. However, stop relying so much on it and take more control. Your time to be wishy-washy is very well over, you don’t get to blame it on quarter-life crisis anymore. Now just step out and do awesome shit. Go.
Just don’t forget to breathe, take deep ones every once in a while.